Merry Christmas!

Winter Solstice is under our belts (My favourite day of the year because it means that Summer is on it's way!!) and Christmas day is drawing to a close...the hustle and bustle of the season is not quite done but a definite sense of doneness fills me. It's a happy feeling though, time has been well spent with the kids and DH.

Our house has been a near war zone these last few weeks (hence the lack of blogging). My mom has started Chemo treatments, went well but it keeps me well occupied traveling to and from the hospital for appointments. I am not able to stay with her as nursing mothers and babies are not allowed in the unit and quite honestly it's not fair to baby boo or I to sit for a couple of hours in space where he can't move around. The boy has been plagued with cold after cold these past weeks, pretty much since Thanksgiving. This week his fever peaked at 103.9 but came back down the next day. He's still pretty sick though. None of this is good, in so many ways. It's been too long that he's been sick. Mom can't really afford to be exposed to it, but there really isn't anywhere else she can go and it's extremely taxing on us parents. Definite trip to the Dr. required in the near future!

Other than that, I've been enjoying a new indulgence: Ravelry. I've been knitting again, making a pair of leg warmers for baby boo and some chemo caps for mom in case she loses her hair. I'll be posting some pics later, and hopefully be adding some more info about the crafts I am up to...of course it's all about time, time to do the crafts and time to post about them...time is precious when you have precious children to watch after!

I hope you all have had a wonder Christmas, Winter Solstice or whatever winter holiday you celebrate!

Day 13 - A Fictional Book

Nope haven't really written one yet...not fully anyway! I've got a lot poetry and short stories, does that count? LOL...Oh you want me to comment on a Fictional book? Well you already know that I like to read. I like to read crap, I like to read classics and I like to read everything in between so commenting on a single book is at times tricky because there are so many on my brain.

I can tell you about the one I just read, and am actually reading again. Sometimes I get so into a book that I just kind of race through it to find out how it ends but because I am dyslexic that means I miss parts. I have to sometimes read and reread to make it really stick or to have it make sense (I skip over words and sentences sometimes). Anyway, I enjoyed it so much that I have decided to start reading it again.

Amy Tan's The Bonesetter's Daughter is an intricate story of the lives of three generations of women and how they struggle to understand each other and care for each other. The plot mostly revolves around an adult daughter - Ruth, who is caring for her aging mother and concerns regarding her mother's mental health (dementia). Ruth learns about her self and her relationships while working on her relationship with her mother but also learns some family secrets which help her better understand her mother. She finds out about her mother's past through a story that her mother wrote down for her detailing her childhood and own family secrets, tragedies and triumphs.

I found it poignant as a mother and daughter both, knowing that my children (like I did) think that my life only began when they were born. They don't realize there was 30 or so years that I lived before they came along. Now that I live with my mother as an adult and equal I find that I know and understand my own mother better too. It is easy to harbour grudges towards our parents

Day 12 - Something I am OCD about

Okay, this is really an odd one. But I am definitely OCD about it, I can't help myself, every time and everywhere I go, I do it. When I am returning a tray from a food court or fast food restaurant or cafeteria I have to straighten the pile of trays that others have left behind so that when mine is on top it is on top of a nice neat pile. Pretty weird eh?

I don't know if it stems from my days of working in a fast food restaurant or what but I just can't walk away with out fixing it. DH shakes his head every time he thinks I am a little kooky and he's probably right!

Today we extended our Black Friday Shopping Extravaganza!! When we were there last week, Mom and I both spent enough money at Ko.hl's to get $10 Ko.hl's cash. It said that it could be used in their online store but guess what? They don't ship to the Great White North! :( Well who can let $10 go to waste?? So we dropped the boy off at school at 9:10, hit the road and crossed the border at 11:20, shopped until 12:30, grabbed a bite to eat (fed baby boo) and hit the road crossing back into Canada for 1:30 to make it back for school pick up at 3:30!! What fun!! I got a great outfit for Christmas gatherings and interviewing and another pair of pants.

I've been desperate for new clothes for the new body!! I've gone from a size 20 to a size 14 over the last 4 yrs. Fantastic for a PCOS girl...I'm so proud and pleased, I'm hoping for another 20 - 30 lbs but honestly I'm really happy where I am, it's a great achievement.

Well that's it for tonight, thanks for hanging out with me!

Day 11 - A Photo of Me Recently

Really tired tonight...Baby boo is cutting more teeth and had me up a lot last night and well, this whole week generally and I haven't had a chance to re-energize.

One of the advantages of infertility is you spend a long time on the baby boards getting to know others that are also trying to conceive. During the time I was trying for baby boo, I met a special group of ladies on ba.by cen.ter Canada who split off and formed our own forum. For three years we created a very close knit group of women supporting one another during the ups and downs of infertility and life in general. I don't know how I would have gotten through the months of my dad's illness and subsequent death let along the bfn's that were plaguing us. All in all, these are very special women.

When one of them decided to make a life change and start a photography business I was there to support her. They were looking for volunteers to help them fill their portfolio so we happily agreed. Of course with the addition of baby boo to the family it was the appropriate time to get some new family photos. :) So here we are, the happy, if not a little crazy, cat loving family!

Day 10 - A Photo of Me, Taken Over 10 Years Ago

I could post a Wedding photo, DH and I have been happily married 14 yrs (well most of them happily!) I can see that the Wedding post is coming up soon enough so I will save it for that. I thought of posting some from our trip to Costa Rica, that was our honeymoon, but it is only 9 yrs ago. There are childhood photos, some that I love dearly but I'm not feeling that side out tonight, perhaps I'll share them in another blog. The photo that came to mind immediately is one of DH and I on his graduation from College...I think it is because in 8 months from now he will be again graduating from College. Funny how life can go full circle sometimes.


Man we were young and skinny! We were engaged at this point, and filled with bright hopes and dreams of the future. Life has taken us on a different path than the one we saw being fulfilled on this day but we are happy where we are now and that is what counts.

I look forward to standing next to him in 8 months, and am sure the same pride and happiness will be on my face. With any luck I'll be nearly that thin again! But this time, I hope the picture has our two boys by our side so that they can forever see the success their father has reached.

Blog Challenge-derailed for shopping!

How quickly one can get derailed from a daily entry...let's see when did I last post? A week ago!?!? Really!?!? Oh dear, well I've been a bit preoccupied. The boy woke in the middle of the night to inform me that he felt like throwing up, I had baby boo attached to me so DH had to go and deal with the drama but it still meant that we were up and dealing with a sick 6 yr old. He stayed home on Wed, which meant that I was looking after him all day as well as baby boo and Mom...no blog entry was created. Then Thurs rolled around and the boy was sitting in my bed in the morning when he had a little gas that turned into another load of laundry. Still not well enough to go to school. Here began our small conundrum. Mom and I had been talking of a shopping trip south of the border since before baby boo was born, thinking of course that with Mat leave, I would have all this time on my hands (rather dumb considering this was not my first Mat leave ever!) With her getting sick and baby boo still not sleeping through the nights the trip was never done...but he's been getting better and Mom is well right now (Chemo starts in 2 weeks) so we ceased the moment and booked 2 nights in a motel with the intention of scoring some sweet Black Friday deals. Hello, sick kid in the house! What now?

Well since DH was an uninvited guest to the shoppingpalooza he got a call on Thurs afternoon to come home so we could head south with baby boo! Therefore no blog entry was created on Thurs since I was schmoozing with the border officials and checking into our cheap, very, very cheap motel. I was glad for the budget wise room but the puke stains on the floor left a bit to be desired...I didn't even leave any of those at home, why would I want them in a room I paid for?

The shopping itinerary was: go to sleep about the time we arrive/check in as that is baby boo's usual nighty night time (yes I took baby boo, I'm breast feeding him and had no time to pump to store milk for dh and he is such an easy going baby I knew it wouldn't be a problem....right...) get nearly 7 hrs sleep and go shopping right after his usual night time feeding of about 3 am when the stores were opening. Well, wouldn't you know it but tooth number 5 decided to rear it's ugly head. After several hours of screaming Mom and I decided to take baby boo for a car ride to try and put him to sleep...we saw the crazy shoppers camping out infront of stores, lined up around corners in the cold, rainy, windy weather and parking lots that were filled to capacity 5 hrs before they opened! We knew that we could wait until stores opened in our flea bag motel with a screaming baby where it was at least warm and had a decent TV rather than stand in the cold like a crazy person!! (umm shopping at 3 am does not a crazy person make, and I know crazy!) So after about 2 hrs sleep baby boo was back up and at it again so Mom and I looked at each other, got dressed and headed out. WHat hte heck, it was a once in a life time kind of experience! So Friday had no blog entry because I had no computer, and no energy. I had completed 6 hrs worth of shopping before 9 am! We alternated shopping and sleeping through out the day (interspersed with some eating).

Saturday we hung around the room and slept as much as we could before the check out time...I put my packing skills to the test! We fit everything in my little KIA.Rio's trunk. I am a master packer, if I do say so myself. (Once I get used to this blogging thing I might start remembering to take pictures of those kind of memorable moments). We then headed off to, you guess it, more shopping! We hit a few outlets (bit disappointing - the outlet mall I found on the internet was mostly abandoned and contained two ladies clothing stores, a kitchen store, several empty store fronts and a space for youth to hang out) and cruised the mall that we had been to the day before but didn't actually see on account of it wasn't actually open at the time we were in Tar.get shopping. Mom lucked out with a smoking hot outfit (can I say that about my Mom?) I on the other hand am hard to fit and could not find anything that fit my girls on account that I am still BF'ing and they are naturally robust to begin with. We had a nice dinner at Mom's favourite American restaurant (Cra.cker Barr.el) and headed for the border crossing, timing it perfectly and were at the window at exactly 6:30 pm the time we crossed on Thurs thus making our 48hrs in order to not have to pay duty for our purchases. We arrived home (hopped up on caffeine because I accidentally ordered a regular coffee at Tim.my's rather than a decaf) just after 9 pm and excitedly shared our stories with dh who just shoook his head at us! There was no blog entry because I simply forgot.

How I've gotten to Tuesday again already, I'm not really sure...I've been a little spaced out with the lack of sleep post shopping extravaganza but here I am trying to make an effort. I will enter upon the Blog Challenge tomorrow and try and stick with it...hey I am pretty damn proud I made it 9 days in a row!

Day 9 - A Photo I Took

A lot of our photos are in storage right now. When Mom moved in, we packed up a lot of our things to give her some space for her stuff. It is a temporary arrangement we have - 3 adults, 2 children and 3 cats crammed in just under 1100 sq ft. I had in mind one of my most favourite photos from a trip to the East Coast, a picture of Peggy's Cove with the lighthouse on the rock and the sun beaming across the water, but what is unique about it is that it is actually a rather foggy day and I just happened to have captured everything in the right light. I am by no means a photographer, it was pure luck! One day I will have to post it, it remains to this day one of my favourite pictures.

I have chosen a photo I should post on face.book but am nervous, or shy. I am a great supporter of breastfeeding and public breastfeeding. The more we normalize it, the better. Yes girls can be sexual objects but when there is a baby around they take on a more pure and honoured role of nourishment, and comfort for our LO's. I haven't posted it elsewhere because I know too many who cannot see past the whole *giggle, giggle - it's a booby* phase in there lives.









This photo has been slightly doctored, I was playing with my new cell phone when I took it and it has some crazy effects but it still shows the bond between mother and son...me and my Baby Boo!

Day 8 - A Photo That Makes Me Angry/Sad

I managed the photo yesterday, and hope to duplicate my success today. This has been a difficult blog on many levels. Generally I am a half-full kind of girl, the kind that sees sunshine and rainbows in most everything that life hands me. It's a good way to be, as my life has not been without tragedy and hard times.

Being half-full has allowed me to get through it all and move forward and make the best of every situation that comes my way. So for that, it is somewhat difficult to find something that makes me angry or sad in the way of a photo (at least one that I own or took - of course I could post one of child abuse or animal abuse etc. those are things that make me sad and angry but I am assuming this is more about my personal life and I have not suffered either of those).

The photo I will choose (I am still thinking on it as I write) will be one about my dad. So it is hard to do because it still hurts that he is gone, taken from us before we ready and because although there is sadness, every photo is filled with happy memories. My dad taught me a lot about having a strong spirit, the proverbial making lemonade out of the lemons life hands you. He was strong and gentle and always knew how to have a good time and celebrate what we did have rather than focus on what we were missing. I was fortunate to be blessed with such a great role model, and to have him in my life as long as I did and I am grateful for that. However, my heart yearns to have his arms wrapped around me, to hear his voice, to see him enjoy the two beautiful grandsons I produced and sadness creeps in...that is probably the one thing that makes me the saddest is knowing that the boy was only 4 when he lost his grandpa and baby boo never got to meet him.




I see this photo, and although it is a happy memory (the boy at age 1 with two of his cousins) I am filled with sadness knowing that Dad is not here to be filled with joy watching the boy, baby boo and his other grand kid. His children and grandchildren were his world, and it breaks my heart that he can only watch over us know from a distance.

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy

The challenge will be uploading the photo - wish me luck!


The challenge will be uploading the photo - wish me luck!

How could this make me anything but happy? My two boys. :)

The LO has had a rough day today, hence mommy has had a rough day and I am currently exhausted....so here ends today's blog. Have a great night!

Day 6 - 20 of my favourite things

"Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens..." Sorry, I couldn't help myself!

Well, finally a blog where I don't have to pick just one thing! Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Chocolate
2. going to the salon and having my hair washed and styled
3. the look in my husbands eyes when he looks at me
4. watching my two boys "play" with each other
5. baking
6. reading
7. Stegosauri
   
8. getting and giving kisses with my sons
9. my wedding rings
10. the blanket my parents brought back from the former Yugoslavia when I was 3
    
11. comfy pj's
12. watching movies with my family
13. singing loudly (albeit off key) in the car, at home, in church to songs I know, don't know or made up
14. walking by the river
15. the emerald ring my dad bought me for Christmas one year that is way too small because he never thought I was that large
16. the company and conversation of good friends
17. doing a good job at work and being recognized for it
18. laughter (laughing and making others laugh)
    
19. Random Acts of Kindness (even if it is as simple as smiling at a stranger)
20. curling up in front of a fire place (my next house is so going to have a wood burning stove - or at least an electric one, even if I have to install it after the fact!

It's the simple things that make me happy.

Day 5 - My Favourite Quote

Once again the challenge is not in the ability to write but in the ability to choose. Maybe it's more that I don't like picking favourites but honestly our house is filled with us quoting movies, songs and books all the time...it's who we are and what we do. I've mulled it over and rather than pick something that is whimsical I've chosen to go with:

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Mohandas Gandhi

What a powerful statement, but of course it comes from a particularly amazing man. Gandhi truly lived his life meaningfully. He was put on this earth for a reason and accepted his destiny and fulfilled it without rebuke. He is inspirational on so many levels, his conviction, compassion and integrity are nearly unmatched. He felt that he was given a job to do and did not falter, despite how daunting the task. I only wish more people could understand and accept his teachings - perhaps his vision will one day be realized and there will exist in our world more equality and less discrimination.

I love this quote for so many reasons. It really does start with yourself, you want to improve the environment? Well then, be that change - pick up litter, reduce, reuse, recycle. You do it and others will follow your example. You want to see more tolerance? Well then, be that change - treat people with respect and compassion, smile at strangers and perform random acts of kindness. You do it and others will follow your example. My latest test of the concept has been in housework. I would love to see my fellow housemates pick up after themselves more often. Rather than complain about it and sit on my butt grumbling about how messy the house is, I get up and start cleaning things. Guess what, every night at least one person joins me in the cause! Be the change, lead by example!

Being a glass half full kind of person I truly hope to one day see a world that is filled with tolerance, acceptance and love. There are a few examples in our history of people who have been put on the earth to teach us these great concepts (Jesus, Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr. to name a few) let's hope the people start to listen and take it to heart. But in the mean time I will be the change I wish to see in the world!

Day 4 - My Favorite Book

It's 5 to 12 (noon) and the baby has been down for a nap for about 40 minutes. I have put on a load of laundry, tidied up the piles of grade one school work/drawings and other sundry papers and thought I might sit down and try this blog thing earlier in the day when I (hopefully) have more faculties together. Of course the risk I run here is the wee one awaking and demanding my attention. Luckily there is a save feature and I can come back to this.

At first I thought the "challenge" part of the Blog Challenge would be finding the time to write every day, so far I find myself consciously choosing to find time to come to my blog and post and therefore that part has not been a challenge, it just means a little less time snooping on Face.book or on my IF Forum. The real challenge has been answering the questions. Today's topic is as difficult as movies and music. I am an avid reader. I must admit that lately I read mostly romance novels. (Shockingly horrific truth is out.) Firstly, they come to me free - my Mom's sister (my aunt obviously) brings them to my Mom in bags full so if it is free and in the house, I will read it. Secondly, I have a busy life. A lot of my energy is sucked out caring for my family, keeping up with the housework (I'd really rather read) and my mental faculties just cannot handle a heavy book. Thirdly, I will admit that I actually enjoy the escapism that the Romance novels bring me. Come on, living life vicariously through the beautiful, successful and single and/or childless couples gives me a little excitement in my otherwise domestic and somewhat mundane life. Don't forget my mother lives with us, she lives in the room next to ours, she does not have a granny flat in the basement she has the master bedroom and we have the next room in our 1 100 sq ft semi detached home. So although the passion is not gone in our marriage certainly the opportunity has been a bit curtailed. Add into the mix two small children...well you get the drift, escapism is appreciated and necessary.

All that being said, I do have some favourites. I enjoy fantasy and sci fi mostly but am not adverse to reading anything at least once! Most of my favourites are of that genre. Let's see there's David and Leigh Eddings' "The Belgariad" series as well as the "Mallorian"; JK Rowling's "Harry Potter" series (Order of the Pheonix is my favourite); and Piers Anthony's "Incarnations of Immortality". These are all books that I read and re-read.

In University, I was majoring in English. I've read a lot of books over the years, I enjoy the Bronte sisters, I like the poetry of Sylvia Plath (so sad and haunting) and even enjoy some of Shakespeare's work. Another novel that I have read and still lingers in my mind that I would calssify as a "favourite" would be "A Separate Peace" by John Knowles a classic coming of age story.

Well, I don't know if posting in the afternoon gave a more in depth or insightful blog, but then again it's only a blog and I'm not vying for a Pulitzer here...I am however putting words to paper (as they say) which is a far cry better than what this self proclaimed writer has done in many years! So there you have it, when they start a sci-fi/fantasy genre at Harlequin, I'll be all over it! ;) Thanks for reading!

Day 3 - My Favourite Television Program

Good evening friends, today's blog will be slow going as I just finished giving myself a manicure and although my nails are dry they are still sensitive. Thankfully you can read it much faster than I can type! It's a small guilty pleasure. I'm not really a girly girl per se but I have my moments. Besides, I'm getting a new do tomorrow (wait for tomorrow for more information on that) so I thought I would go to the salon with fancy fingers! :)

It's been a long day...if you've read any of my previous posts, my mother (who lives with us) has Leukemia. It has decided to get aggressive, after a 3 week stay in the hospital a few weeks ago from a lung infection, she is starting to feel better. Today she had a follow up appointment at the cancer centre to check on the progression of her lungs as well as to discuss treatment. She ahs chosen to go with IV therapy Chemo, yep, that's the one that makes you sick, tired and your hair fall out. She will have 3 days of treatment and then a month off to come back for 3 more days of treatment. This will continue to repeat for approximately 6 months. On the positive side they find that this process has a 90% success rate for her Leukemia to go into remission. It's not the first long day we've had, and definitely not the last. If I were the type to b!tch, I would complain about the affects all of this has had on my Mat leave but I'm getting over it...I still get lots of great time with my little guy, it just means I have to put a little more on my plate to keep my Mom healthy.

So Blog Challenge Day 3. Well this one is really difficult because I don't subscribe to any TV service and haven't for approximately 5 years now. As noted in my previous post, we watch a lot of movies. If we have time in the evening for television we throw in a movie. We were given season 1&2 of Fringe lately, I really enjoyed it. We got our hands on some of season 3 (I won't admit how as it may become incriminating evidence one day) but I'm not sure how I feel about it, I'm willing to give it some more time but I'm not sure. I am not a big fan of most reality tv so I don't feel like I'm missing much not having TV but I will admit that I do love the talent shows SYTYCD and the Idol's are my favourites. I occasionally get to watch a season of one of those (again no admittance from me as to where they come from!) and can't get enough of it.

Crumbs...I just chipped the tip of a nail, i knew I should have waited. With two kids in bed at 7-8 p.m. and the routine starting again at 6 (not to mention a night feeding) it was now or never to fit it all in...I hope you appreciate my sacrifice! LOL! Thanks for sticking with me all this time, have a great night.

Day 2 - My Favourite Movie

Day two is posing yet another conundrum...I like movies just as much, if not more, than I like music. I don't think a day goes by that we don't have at least 2 random movie quotes spoken aloud in our family. Even my 6 year old has started doing it!

We used to live in the big city (Toronto) a stones throw from a little hole in the wall used/discount video store where we used to buy VHS tapes for $2-5 a piece. We often came home with an arm load when we went there, and would spend an hour or two chatting with the owner about movies. Of course, this is before kids (which didn't stop us from purchasing nearly the entire Disney Collection!) and a time before DH starting full time school...a time when cash was flowing and time was there for the wasting (only a wee tiny part of me misses those days, I love being a Momma to my two miracle boys and am thrilled that DH has chosen to pursue his passion and returned to school.) Anyway as I was saying, we purchased a LOT of movies, we had at one time over 300 VHS tapes. Due to storage issues and the evolution of digital media we have since abandoned said collection and now have nearly 1,000 DivX (or otherwise compressed) movies on DVD. So my point here is, we are movie buffs and to pick a favourite is very, very difficult so I will do a top 5 with a few explanations:

1. The Fugitive. I have seen this movie more times than I could possibly count and I still can feel the suspense, wonder and worry if the one armed man is going to be found and on occasion shed a tear at the end. It is my favourite move to quote "Do you want to change you bullsh!t story, sir?" Plus I have had a not so secret crush on Harrison Ford since I was little - I was one of the girls who liked Han Solo way more than Luke! The original Star Wars trilogy are definitely in my top 20...but don't worry I won't list my top 20...keep reading. :)
2. The Princess Bride. Classic love story. It has romance, comedy, action and Mandy Patinkin in tights! Need I say more?
3. Benny and Joon. First off this is a classic Johnny Depp movie, from a time before he was really famous and he is really, really good in it. It is a wonderful story about love - a different kind of love, as well as compassion and family. It really is a must see! (Other favourite Johnny Depp movies include Sleepy Hollow, Chocolat, and From Hell).
4. Three to Tango. I'm sensing a theme (other than #1) of Romantic Comedies, what can I say, they make me feel good! This is a very quotable movie too. It makes you think a bit too - the plot has a non gay man outed on the front page of the newspaper and shows how he deals with it. It is a bit about walking a mile in another man's shoes, I like the way they treat Homosexuality with compassion and humor all at the same time.
5. Harry Potter - I really do love the series, but I have to admit that I am a way bigger fan of the original novels than any of the movies. Especially from Order of the Phoenix on. I am a bit nervous about the treatment of the last 2 installments, I felt that The Half Blood Prince was atrocious and cannot believe that JK Rowling agreed to the changes and treatment of the movie. (Hmm I sense another blog so I better stop there.)

I'll leave it at that...I didn't even mention any of my favourite Disney Movies, or get into many action flicks and I certainly didn't touch on any indie films, documentaries or Biographies.

Day 1 - My Favourite Song

Okay, I have to admit I am slightly embarrassed by this post and I haven't even written it yet. I actually am a fair connoisseur of music. I can't work without it on, I often can quote lyrics and can tell you who the artist and what the song title is. I am in to all sorts of styles of music (with the exception of country - sorry but I just don't care about your dog dying, your truck breaking down or your girl leaving you!) and although I can't carry a tune I love to belt it out!

So I could choose something hip, or eccentric or full of power and meaning but no I would have to say that my favourite song of all time is "Oh Sherrie" by Steve Perry.

There is just something about it that makes me turn it way up and belt it out every time I hear it. It is powerful, emotional, you can feel the love he has for this woman and pain he feels that they are no longer together. There have been many days when I wished I was the Sherrie he's singing about. (Sometimes I pretend I am!)

Well there you have it, I said it. I actually admitted my dark secret. I think I feel a little lighter having put that out there. No...no, all I feel is shame! ;)

30 day blog challenge

I've been neglectful but I have an excuse - Remember I have a 6 year old, a 6 month old and a 66 year old living with DH and I. My recent trip to the dentist was a gentle reminder that I need to take more time for myself (no cavities but definite deterioration of my oral hygiene due to lack of time for self care). So in an effort to improve my frequency of writing and to encourage me to take more time to myself I am borrowing this challenge from a friend. (Thanks Mrs. Gamgee.)

So here is a run down of the challenge:

Day 1 - your favorite song
Day 2 - your favorite movie
Day 3 - your favorite television program
Day 4 - your favorite book
Day 5 - your favorite quote
Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you
Day 11 - a photo of you recently
Day 12 - something you are OCD about
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - your dream house
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a youtube video
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future

Being a procrastinator extraordinaire combined with the aforementioned lack of time for myself, I will officially start this blog tomorrow. Plus it will give me more time to ruminate over the possible blogs I will be writing.

Here's hoping I am up for the challenge!

Time...

It's nearly 5 a.m. and I've been awake for about 2 hours now. I know, I know, my body is prepping me for the big job I have ahead of me - feedings every 3 hours et. al. But come on, I just want to have more than one night where I sleep through. Or at the very least that I am able to easily fall back asleep after my multiple trips to the toilet.

The worst part of it though, I have all this time on my hands and nothing good to do with it. I obviously can't be rambling through the house finding the odd jobs to do that I've been wanting to do for weeks at this hour, well I could but it just wouldn't be fair to those that live with me. Although the company would be nice with the exception that all said potential company would be crankier than I having been rousted from their slumber just because I fail to be able to sleep. I keep thinking I should write, or blog, or read, or research or something that I talk about doing in my more lucid waking hours but to be honest I don't really feel like I have it in me. Ummm...yeah, I know, I'm blogging right now but seriously my head hurts more with each word I type and I'm pretty sure this will be a rather incoherent rambling of thoughts.

Honestly though, it sucks to have all this time on my hands. Time that I'm awake and completely and udderly unable to be productive. In 12 hrs from now when everyone is awake, and I'm home from work and I can take advantage of their assistance for my grand design of things to do I will be exhausted, and even more incoherent than now and will attempt to blend in with the couch with the great hopes that someone will feed me, water me and let me sleep!

The cats are confused...they keep looking at me like I've interrupted something. They are nocturnal creatures, I'm not. I'm confused too. Why can't I just get a little sleep?

My first Bloggy Award!!

I can't say that I troll some blogs because I actually make my self known, and I can't exactly say that I am a die hard follower or blogger either since my life is just a little bit chaotic to fit it all in but I can say that I frequent quite a few. One of the ones I frequent - Hobbit-ish Thoughts and Ramblings, that I met during my TTC journey that began nearly 3 years ago, has nominated me for what I can only assume to be a very prestigious award!

Part of the "rules" state that I'm supposed to nominate 10 blogs that I think are worthy and award them so that they too will fill out their list of 10 things that make their day but I don't have 10 blogs I regularly frequent (or at least don't have 10 that know I'm there!) so those of you that read my blog here is my list of 10 things that make my day!

1. Hug and a kiss from my boys - That would be my spouse of 13 yrs and my 6 yr old son. (I'm currently gestating another boy and I can't wait for him to give me hugs and kisses too!)
2. As mentioned above, I'm gestating. It makes me happy to feel that little lump kick and punch me just to remind me he's in there! (Like I could forget my lap is mostly gone and it's a bit awkward typing this with my arms stretched out to reach the laptop keyboard because if I rest it on my belly he will kick it and make it even more awkward to type!)
3. My Kitties. How can you not love a soft and furry little creature that purrs? Plus they always know when I need them even when I don't know!
4. Chocolate. Dark Chocolate. Need I say more?
5. Witnessing or aiding someone taking a step towards fulfilling their potential. I work in the Student Life Department of our local College and love to watch the students grow and develop through academic and non academic experiences.
6. Laughter. This likely should be higher on my list. Laughter is so important in life.
7. Logging on to my favourite sites. I have a number of places that go to in order to follow the lives of women who have and are suffering through Infertility, some I have met others that I haven't - all are equally precious and important to me!
8. Coming home. I'm a home body. I love my job, I love my life, but I truly value coming home and just being in my own space, with my stuff, and my couch!
9. Movies. New movies, old movies, movies on the big screen, movies on the couch, movies in bed, action flicks, chick flicks, sci-fi flicks, kids movies...I think you get the point. I love watching movies, and quoting movies too - it's a big culture in our house!
10. Finding time. Finding moments that I can do things for myself, by myself that make me happy. A bath, read a book, write in my blog, read a new recipe, etc. It's the little moments where I don't have to be Mother, Wife, Daughter, or Employee and have the energy to be me!

So thanks for nominating me!! Even if you are the only one reading, it sure was great being nominated and thinking about my Happy 101. There are lots of things that make me happy, I'm a pretty half full kind of girl but it never hurts to really think about what things make my day!

Sandwiched

It's not the peanut butter or Jelly that's getting to me, it's the slices of bread on either side! I am officially entering the proverbial sandwich generation. I've got a six year old and am 30 weeks pg and this weekend my Mom moves in with us.

Originally, the thought/plan was that when we (DH and I) were ready (aka financially stable) we would look at our forever home as being a place that would have room for Mom and Dad to have a "granny flat". This would be either a separate residence on our property or a duplex style home that would give each of us independence but also keep us close enough that it wouldn't be an inconvenience to care for them. This plan originated about 3 yrs ago when my Dad's kidney's started to get worse and dialysis became immanent and my Mom was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia. Two sick parents, me (the only daughter) and the overriding desire to care for them as they had cared for me.

Financial stability has been somewhat of a challenge. I have a great job and it is only looking better for my future. Despite the upcoming mat leave I continue to be the bread winner (my work tops me up 93% - who wouldn't want to get pg, be off work for a year and still make a decent salary!?!). DH on the other hand is in yr 2 of his 3 yr program and although he has work terms, we have tuition and inconsistent and truly insignificant income from him. So that dream home/property is not in our immediate financial grasp.

The granny flat is now only going to contain a granny. Dad went in for heart surgery September 2008 - calcification to the aortic valve caused by kidney disease. Fairly routine. He recovered the first day and appeared fine. Day 2 he was delusional and we knew something was wrong...he got a hospital infection. By the time we were told there was nothing more they could do for him in December, he had had a total of 7 hospital related infections! (He had some good months in there, and we were able to visit and let him know how much we loved him.)

Now that there is only a granny, a grieving granny, it seems that plans have changed. To make her life more affordable and sustainable she asked if we were still interested in the "Master Plan" and wondered if we would let her move in so she could save and we could save. I am willing to welcome her into my home, that is not the problem. The problem, or sandwich factor you could call it, is the role reversal that has occurred over the course of Dad's hospitalization and death. Mom has become dependent on me much like my own child. She is unable to make simple decisions for herself, take care of necessary arrangements and seems to have lost most of her common sense. My hopes of being able to depend on her to even put a dish back in the same place twice are rapidly declining and I'm not sure I'm up for the challenge of being confined to living in such close quarters with an infant, a six year old and a 65 year old that need me to be their Mom!

I pray for strength and patience. I pray that my Mom will continue to heal since the loss of my Dad, her soul mate, because as much as I feel sad for her immeasurable loss I find it hard to tolerate just how much it has changed her.

I hope I don't sound selfish here. It's a bit difficult to explain. All I can say is that the strength of character and sense of independent self that I possess today is a direct reflection of the woman who raised me. To see it crumble away and find her so uncertain about simple decisions makes me worry for her and fear how long it will take for her rebuild herself and fear for how well I will cope when I have another, equally needy, generation to care for.

So I hope that the bread is at least whole wheat, because Lord knows I'm going to need the fibre to flush out the daily shit I'm going to be putting up with!

For someone who totes herself as being a writer, I sure suck at this blogging thing. Maybe I'll get better as time goes one, but with a bun in the oven and a boy about embark on completing his 5th year of life....I'm thinking not.

On the "crazy cat lady" front, I'm sad to announce that we are down one cat and likely to be down a second before the end of the month. I'm betting that our future likely holds the addition of another, or perhaps the return of one...we'll see.

We went to North Myrtle Beach South Carolina for Christmas and when we returned the missing cat - Oreo, a black and white male we "adopted" from our next door neighbours after watching him get too skinny living in our shed and after asking them if they were ever going to let him back in. Anyway, as I was saying, when we returned Oreo appeared to be suffering from a cold. We think it was starting before we left because he had a series of falls - fell off the top of the cat stand hitting the shelf below him, cracking it and consequently ripping up his back, as well as falling off of the ledge that runs along the stairs to the basement. I think that was the beginning of an infection causing his imbalance, considering the cat lived outside for over a year and jumped on top of our shed a number of times! So, we came home after being away for 12 days (don't call animal control we had a friend come in every couple of days to feed, water and clean litter boxes for us) to find his nose and eyes all crusty and a distinct cough and wheeze. Of course we returned on the evening of December 30th which meant only animal hospitals were open for the next 4 days and unfortunately we don't have the funds for that kind of care for a cat. (Love them dearly, but even a crazy cat lady has her limits!) So we did our best to research on the great www and tried to keep him clean, dry and comfortable. Well, we tried, honest. But while returning with loads of groceries on Jan 2 the little bugger came out of no where and dashed out the door than ran across the lawn as a 5 month pregnant me chased after him, meanwhile he only looked behind him as though I was some sort of demon with two heads. I am pretty sure the cat had the beginnings of dementia on top of everything else. So off he went, and there was no catching him.

Unfortunately our weather has turned pretty cold overnight and all of the www sites indicate that we should keep cats with colds warm. Being in the -ves with a windchill does not constitute keeping a cat warm. Unfortunately we have not seen him or any evidence of him on the freshly fallen snow in the last several days. :( Pretty sure at this point his mad dash was not a dash towards freedom of oppression from living indoors, but a dash towards a quiet existence while waiting for the great beyond to call him. If nothing else I'm pretty sure with the temps and no shelter (we've since repaired our shed and there is no way in) that there is a sad little Ocicle somewhere waiting for spring thaw. Loved the little furball, but if it was his time, it was his time. And I'm certainly not in a fit state to be wandering around the neighbourhood looking for him. I think it's one of those “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.” (Thank you Richard Bach for those words of wisdom).

Cat #2 - well this one comes from a dear friend who moved back with her folks so that her and her husband could save up money for a new home. It was supposed to be a one year deal, it's been about 18 months now and they don't get possession of their new home until Dec 2010...I'm not really upset about the length of time we have had her. I'd take in any cat for any length of time and treat it as my own. If kids were that easily come by, I'd have a half dozen of those in my house too (we might need a bit more than the slightly shy of 1100 sq feet that we have but what the hey, I'm sure we'd find a way to figure it out!) So, back to Abbey. She has her quirks. She came from a single cat household, into a definitely multi-cat household. She adjusted fairly well, as did everyone else. On occassion she attempted to claim ruler over the household, but it didn't really work that well. A few spits and spats here and there, but she definitely was not "top dog" so to speak. Anyway, since returning from the aforementioned vacation, she has been expressing her continued displeasure with being the low cat on the totem pole. In such ways that include crawling up on my lap making like she wants to cuddle but instead drops a full load - a stinky bomb of cat poop right there on my lap! That in and of itself should be grounds for divorce - something along the lines of irreconcilable differences I do believe! But she has continued to express herself in the following ways - peeing in the kitchen, pooping at the top of the stairs, pooping and peeing directly infront of one of the four litter boxes we have set up for our multi-cat household and climbing into the front hall closet to puke on my shoes!

So I've been forced to breach the unbreachable subject with my dear friend and inform her that her cat has behaviour issues that need to be worked out. My solution, find a new home. One that has no cat. I know that will be difficult for them, but I must remind myself and you "humble readers" )a phrase I've copped from a blog that I follow) that the cat has far outstayed her welcome and SHE POOPED ON MY LAP!!!! I of course hope it doesn't mean sudden death for her, but honestly if she was mine, we'd be headed to the vets for her to great the great beyond and meet up with the missing Ocicle or heading to an animal shelter...The stench of cat feces and urine is not something I enjoy nor wish to continue enduring.

Further considerations include that my Mom is moving in with us in February and Baby Boy #2 is due late April early May. (Yes 3 adults, soon to be 2 children and at least 3 cats living in a 3 bedroom semi that is under 1100 sq ft. - I believe that adds the capital "C" in Crazy to my self defining description) Hmm, maybe we should get a dog if we are down to only 3 cats. I'll be home on Mat leave in the spring and can house train!