Monday, November 10, 2014

Necessity, the Mother of all Invention. Wish this wasn't necessary!

Recently, on the book of faces, there have been several of my female friends and relatives that have posted a variation on this article. Four College students took on not only a taboo subject but sought to find a viable solution to help those that may be affected by date rape, and more specifically, date rape drugs. While I agree, it is an awesome invention - Dipping your finger(s) in your drink can be done mostly inconspicuously and fairly frequently while in any setting. This simple action could save you or a friend from having a fun night out turn into a life changing, harrowing, experience. - I can't help but feel out raged that we even need this.

Children, plug your ears. Fuck! Seriously! What the fuck is wrong with our society that we have to go to such measures to protect our selves? Why have we (royal we - inferring society) not  learned? I get so fucking steamed when I think of the statistics. The number of women affected by rape, violence, sexual violence (and by this I mean non-consensual sexual violence), abuse, sexual harassment and general discrimination. What the fuck people!?! Sorry, I'll put my potty mouth away now.

Let me start by saying, I'm not exclusively a feminist, granted I'm a woman, but I'm more than an activist for female rights. I believe in equal rights for ALL humans. We all have the right to live in a world being the human we are destined to be. This includes those that realize they we are born different than what was assigned. I'm a firm believer that as a human, it is their right to become who they feel nature is telling them to be. So, I guess you could say, I'm an equalist. However, I do find that I wear my feminist hat when I realize not everyone has my vision of equality and cause imbalance in the world. I stand up and toot my feminist horn and burn my proverbial bra (those things are too damned expensive to actually burn!) when I'm feeling outraged at the inequality and injustices between the sexes.

I want to live in a world where we are seen as people. Individuals who have feelings, wants and desires. Individuals who deserve respect. People who have the right to make choices about their present and future; their body, mind and soul. People who have the right to say yes, but change their mind to no and not be questioned, criticized, coerced or forced into complying with their original thought or feeling.  A world where you wear what you are comfortable with putting on your body with out having it mean you were asking for more than you desire. A world where there are no glass ceilings, it's safe to walk at night or day alone or in a group.

To fuel my frustrations and feelings towards the inequality I look at the Jian Ghomeshi "Scandal" at the CBC. Where a nice guy is accused of not being a nice guy, and people start blaming the women for ruining his reputation. It fucking burns me. I don't even care if this guy is innocent. The point is, all to often women speak out and NOTHING is done. NOTHING. Nice guys can be assholes. I speak from experience. (Sorry, a bit off topic but definitely related.)

No woman should be silenced, no experience swept under the carpet.

So yes, it is wonderful that these students campaigned against date rape. Found an aid to help the far too many women who have been or may be affected by date rape and the use of drugs, it is definitely not a solution. The real solution is raising our boys to become equalists, or feminists if you will. To not just be "nice guys", because we all know that really means nothing, but to actively seek out equality amongst all others. We need to have conversations with our boys about sex. Honest conversations. Not the fluffy, it's best when it is with someone you are committed to because let's face it, women want uncommitted sex as much as guys do. But the honest conversation that teaches them how to get what they want without taking it from someone who doesn't want to give it. To ask honest questions of their sexual partners, to be ready to stop at a moments notice - if needed to finish on their own, or simply deal with any physical side effects...yes boys, they will hurt, but only for a while. Whereas rape leaves a lifetime of emotional scars. Have conversations, start early, and don't stop listening and explaining. Minimize the differences between men and women - because we are both people. These students have at least started a conversation amongst there peers and recognized a sad but true need. I do applaud them. But  the reason we need them, I can't help but feel angered.

Final word, because I could go on about this subject. I really should, because we should never stop talking about it. Anyway, final word: If you are/were a victim of any of the above experiences I have noted above - Talk about it. Break the silence, the taboo, open the floodgates. Let's have discussions about this subject as whole. 

Let's talk!

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